Finding the Strength to Ask for Help at Work
There’s a quiet courage in admitting you’re struggling.
In a world that prizes independence, stoicism, and perseverance, asking for help can feel like a sign of weakness or failure. Especially at work, where we often believe we need to have all the answers, stay composed, and prove our worth through our resilience. But here’s the truth: asking for help isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom. And more often than not, it’s the very thing that moves us forward.
Whether you're overwhelmed by workload, unsure how to lead a difficult conversation, or feeling emotionally and physically stretched, the strength to ask for help could be the most powerful leadership move you make all year.
In this blog post, we’ll explore why asking for help is so hard, what gets in the way, and how to begin doing it in a way that feels safe, boundaried, and empowering—not just for you, but for those around you too.
Why Asking for Help Feels So Hard
Many of us have been raised on messages that praise grit and perseverance but quietly shame dependency.
From an early age, we’re rewarded for “figuring it out ourselves,” for not making a fuss, for keeping calm and carrying on. In many work cultures, this turns into a deep-rooted belief that if we just keep going, we’ll be seen as strong, reliable, and valuable.
This gets even more complex if:
You work in a caring or service-based profession where you are expected to be the helper.
You are in a leadership role and worry that asking for help might undermine your authority.
You’ve experienced burnout and now feel ashamed or embarrassed to admit you’re struggling again.
You’re part of a marginalised group and have had to work twice as hard to be heard or taken seriously.
In these contexts, asking for help can feel like confirming other people’s doubts, or risking your credibility.
But that inner voice that says “you should be able to cope” isn’t the voice of strength. It’s the echo of outdated stories. And it’s time we let them go.
The Hidden Cost of Not Asking
Before we get to the how, let’s take a moment to name the cost of never asking for help.
Burnout. When we constantly take everything on ourselves, we don’t just get tired—we lose our sense of self. Burnout doesn’t always announce itself with a bang. Often, it creeps in slowly: through cynicism, numbness, loss of joy, brain fog, and an unshakeable feeling of being behind.
Disconnection. Many people think asking for help will make others see them differently. But not asking can isolate us. People might think we’re fine when we’re not, or worse, see us as distant or unapproachable. Relationships at work thrive on honesty and mutual support.
Stalled growth. You can’t grow in a vacuum. We need sounding boards, mentorship, collaboration, and sometimes just a friendly face to say, “I’ve been there too.” Refusing help can keep us stuck in patterns that no longer serve us.
But Isn’t It My Job to Cope?
Yes and no.
You have responsibilities. You have people who rely on you. You probably take great pride in being dependable.
But coping doesn’t mean never needing support. True resilience isn’t about being unshakeable—it’s about knowing how to bend without breaking. It’s about building the scaffolding around you, so that when things wobble, you don’t have to carry the whole structure on your own.
In fact, the higher up you go in leadership or responsibility, the more important it is to model healthy interdependence. Your team doesn’t need a superhero. They need someone real.
Let’s Get Practical: 6 Steps to Asking for Help (Without Guilt or Shame)
If you’ve read this far, maybe something in you is ready to ask for help—or at least admit you could use some support. Here are six ways to start.
1. Name What You Need—Honestly
Sometimes we feel overwhelmed but don’t know what we need. Start by asking yourself:
What would make this feel more manageable?
Is it practical support (e.g. meeting a deadline)? Emotional support (e.g. talking something through)? Or space (e.g. time to rest, time to think)?
Is this something that needs a one-off ask—or an ongoing adjustment?
Once you’ve named it, you can begin to make a plan. Be specific.
Instead of: “I’m just feeling a bit swamped.”
Try: “I need help reprioritising this week’s tasks so that I’m not carrying everything alone.”
2. Challenge the Inner Critic
That voice that tells you asking for help is failing? It's not a fact. It’s fear. And it often stems from past experiences or internalised beliefs.
Try this exercise:
Write down the thoughts that come up when you think about asking for help (e.g. “They’ll think I’m not good at my job,” or “I should be able to manage like everyone else”).
Now write a counter-statement as if you were speaking kindly to a friend (e.g. “Everyone needs support sometimes,” or “Asking for help shows I care about doing things well”).
Keep those counter-statements somewhere visible. Let them become your new inner script.
3. Choose the Right Person
Not every help request needs to go to your manager. Depending on the situation, you might reach out to:
A trusted colleague
A mentor or coach
HR or an employee wellbeing lead
A friend outside work who can offer emotional grounding
Choose someone who feels emotionally safe, non-judgemental, and capable of holding your ask without trying to immediately “fix” it or brush it off.
4. Be Boundaried, Not Burdened
Asking for help doesn’t mean oversharing or handing someone your entire emotional backpack. You can be kind, boundaried, and clear.
Use this simple framework:
Start with care: “I really value working with you and I appreciate your time.”
Name the ask: “I wondered if I could talk something through—I’m finding X a bit tricky and I think your perspective could help.”
Offer clarity or limits: “I only need 15 minutes and I’d really appreciate your view.”
Being boundaried shows respect for your own needs and theirs.
5. Accept Help When It’s Offered
Some of us brush off offers of help without even realising.
“Oh I’ll manage, but thanks anyway.”
“It’s fine, I don’t want to bother you.”
“I should be okay if I just power through.”
Next time someone offers support, pause. Ask yourself, Would it help? Do I need this? If the answer is yes, say so.
“Actually, that would make a big difference. Thank you.”
Accepting help builds trust. It shows others that they can be useful to you, and that you’re not trying to be invincible.
6. Pay It Forward, Not Back
A common fear is: If I accept help, I’ll owe someone. But work isn’t about keeping score. It’s about reciprocal, human relationships. You don’t need to give back in exactly the same way, just keep kindness moving.
Support someone else when you’re in a better place. Share your learning. Make it easier for the next person to ask.
What This Looks Like in Practice
Let’s imagine a few different work scenarios:
You’re a manager who feels overwhelmed and behind.
You could say to your own line manager:
“I’m noticing that my plate is full to the point where I’m not able to lead effectively. I’d like to talk about what can be paused or shared, and where I might need support to manage expectations.”
You’re a librarian who’s taken on a new project without the right training.
You might ask a colleague:
“I’m still finding my feet with this and I’ve realised I’d really value a bit of guidance. Could I shadow how you’ve handled X or ask your advice about Y?”
You’re emotionally exhausted from supporting students or clients in distress.
You might say to HR or a wellbeing lead:
“I care deeply about the people I serve, but I’m feeling emotionally stretched. I’d like to explore whether there’s additional wellbeing support or reflective space available.”
In all of these, you’re showing self-awareness, professionalism, and leadership.
Reflection Prompts
Take a moment with these journal questions:
When was the last time I genuinely needed help but didn’t ask?
What stopped me from asking?
What story do I tell myself about what asking for help means?
Who in my life or workplace feels emotionally safe to reach out to?
What might be possible if I let others in, even just a little?
A Final Word: Asking Is Brave
It might feel uncomfortable at first. You might second-guess yourself or worry about how it will be received. But each time you choose honesty over hiding, connection over coping alone, you strengthen your resilience—not just for yourself, but for the culture around you.
When you ask for help at work, you give others permission to do the same.
You model a kind, sustainable, grown-up version of work. You show that support isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity. And you remind us all that we’re not meant to do this alone.
So if you’re struggling right now, consider this your invitation:
Ask.
Speak up.
Let someone in.
You deserve support. And asking for it might just be the strongest thing you do today.
Need Support in Your Workplace?
At The Kind Brave Leader, we work with individuals and teams to build kinder, more sustainable work cultures. Whether you’re looking for burnout support, leadership coaching, or practical tools to improve workplace wellbeing, we’re here to help.
Explore our offers or contact us for a confidential discussion.