Leading with Empathy
Navigating Leadership and Personal Growth
Thank you to Alison Harding for her guest post, I find Alison inspirational and I hope you will to.
‘I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel’
Dr Maya Angelou
Leadership continues to be a journey for me, some days I feel I’m flying and others I’m barely holding my head above water. I do recognise that some of this relates to a lifelong struggle with anxiety, but in the context of the last few years then I suspect I’m not alone in these reflections.
As an introvert I struggled with finding my own voice and authenticity when I moved into more formal leadership roles. I found the position daunting and often overwhelming. Recalling early experiences of committee and board meetings I was often hugely intimidated by all the impressive job titles I was sharing the space with, subsequently I suspect I barely said a word. I didn’t recognise that I had been appointed to these roles because others saw something in me that, at the time, I failed to see in myself. I also didn’t recognise that those feelings of inadequacy would similarly be sitting with those people I was sharing a meeting table with. An early leadership reflection for me was to recognise it is the Chair’s role to ensure all voices have an opportunity to be heard and listened too equally. This is a learning I hold with me when I Chair, lead or participate in meetings. I would also challenge the need for the meeting in the first place, or at least in the formal way many workplaces still regularly cling too. Often these meetings are not the most effective approach in encouraging meaningful engagement, well informed decisions and impactful outcomes.
The journey of discovering my own true leadership style is still ongoing, but it is one of unleashing the power of my introversion and recognising that those traditional introvert traits of reflection, emotional intelligence and self-awareness can be hugely significant as we attempt to learn and live in hugely complex workplaces, as well as an increasingly frightening world.
Through my learning I have come to recognise that bringing my whole self into the workplace is key to being an effective colleague, and leader. If I cannot bring my core values of kindness, respect and integrity to my role then how can I be seen as honest and trustworthy. I know from experience that compromising those values, and leading with a style that goes against those principles, is exhausting and unhealthy for both myself and those I work with. It was an epiphany moment when I realised that good leadership practice is the primary driver to healthy workplace wellbeing. Reflecting on what kind of culture and behaviours you wish to see in your team is closely entwinned with your own leadership practice.
The impact of role models and mentoring on my journey cannot be overstated, and I would suggest that if you look to your own narrative then there will be people who have influenced your path in all manner of ways. It’s also worth reflecting that role models and mentors don’t have to be formally senior to you, or within your own profession or organisation. Be prepared to look beyond your own immediate circle or specific workplace. This is especially the case if you don’t see those leadership behaviours you wish to emulate within your own environment, or leaders that even look like you. Indeed it is not beneficial if role modelling and mentoring constantly mimics existing organisational power and hierarchical structures as this merely maintains the status quo of copycat leaders and managers. If little constructive and positive challenge happens across an organisation then how can innovation and creativity be expected to be nurtured and grow.
A cheer leader is a little different from a role model, this is someone who not only offers you access to their networks and experience, but also uses their power and status to potentially craft opportunities for you, or at least use their influence on others to do so. In some ways these may be people you know nothing about, but they are there nonetheless. If they are known to you then they work to lift you up, even if this work has little impact on them or their team.
I do also strongly believe that life teaches us valuable lessons that we can apply in the workplace. We bring our whole self to work, and this includes our stories, flaws, anxieties and imperfections. The tyranny of perfectionism is all around us and inside of us, but for me there are two major life events that have taught me about the value of empathy, kindness and compassion in leadership. This is perhaps where it takes some courage to be open, to show your failings, your fears but also to be transparent about your journey to hopefully encourage others to be fully brave and true to themselves. There are those who may judge you for your openness, and it is important for your own health and wellbeing to recognise that their values are different from yours. The road to compassionate and empathetic leadership starts from within, to craft a leadership style where empathy for others begins with the individual.
Firstly, bereavement and grief, the loss of both my parents when I was around 40 years old and the grief that sits alongside me always informs much of who I bring to work, especially when those around me are suffering and grieving. I can sit with them in solidarity in some ways if that is what is needed, but everyone’s grief journey is different, but ignoring it is not helpful either. I do wish we would talk more openly around grief in the workplace and have conversations that see bereavement leave as more than just a form filling process. Each of us bring life’s pain and joy with us to work, and to ignore that is to ignore our own humanity.
Secondly the roller coaster ride of the menopause, put simply this has brought me a number of physical and mental health challenges, from weight gain, significant joint pain, to periods of insomnia and extreme tiredness. I hope with being open with my own menopause it has encouraged others within my team and organization that there is no stigma to the menopause, and it is something all women experience at some point in their lives, also that everyone’s journey is unique. There is still some way to go in many workplaces around the impact of the menopause, and recognising that we all have a part to play to ensure a work environment that is crafted to support all its members is key to organisational wellbeing and health.
I am now at a point in my leadership journey where I feel I am learning and growing the most, but ironically I am at a stage of life for a woman that workplaces seem to place less value, opportunities and investment in. Perhaps this is one of the ironies of life, when a woman feels she has the most to offer but very few see her and what she can bring to the workplace conversations. This does however suggest that leadership is not a role or a job title, but it’s far more holistic for an individual and society more broadly.
In conclusion my leadership tips, should they be of value and this is not a comprehensive list or in any specific order. I would be really interested in hearing from others on what they would add to the list, and perhaps delete.
Bring your whole self to the role, and be present in that always.
Have the courage to stand by your core values, but recognise that others may not have those same values.
Recognise and embrace your flaws, anxieties and imperfections.
Never apologise for your imperfections, no one is perfect.
Accept perceived mistakes, and recognise they are all part of your learning.
Know that sometimes good enough is good enough.
Prioritise time to develop and maintain relationships, even with those who can do nothing for you but add to your own learning in some way, and perhaps you to theirs.
Pass on your good fortune to others and use your position to empower.
Bring your humour to the role, but use wisely.
Role model the behaviours you wish to see in others.
Lead by example in prioritising your own wellbeing as well as that of colleagues.
Recognise there is no such thing as being too busy, if it’s vital enough then you’ll make time for who and what is important to you.
Read, listen and keep learning, from yourself and others.
Alison Harding, Executive Head of Library and Learning Resources, UWTSD.
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